69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Shame - the story of my life.
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