New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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