u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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