In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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