if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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