I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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