Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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