took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
