I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well I just put wine in my tea
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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