I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
