What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
