I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
