hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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