I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
