Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize