I wish my penis had an off switch
just come out here and I will go home with you...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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