Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
