I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize