we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
