I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
