you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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