you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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