We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
its not stalking. its research.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
