remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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