there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You were trust falling into bushes
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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