dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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