I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You made out with two different species that night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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