So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
