and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have tasted many bathrooms
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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