I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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