You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
not ubering you a puppy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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