I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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