No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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