so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
