omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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