Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry about my life...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
