And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
