im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
