On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm passing your future prison.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
