I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
