God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
