No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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