also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
