Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
