dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
