I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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