You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize