do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
