An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
