She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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