whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
