he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
