We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He better not be in your backpack
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
