i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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