So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
