I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
