im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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