an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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