thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
