At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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