He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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