Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
