let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
