I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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