Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
