Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
