Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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