When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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