I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
