HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
