i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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