Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
