You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
