wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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