The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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