so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
