U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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