I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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