i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize