I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
