do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
