bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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