I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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