This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize