I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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