Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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