I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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