When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
