If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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