a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
