I wanna bring you to show and tell
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
