I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
