just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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