first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you traded sex for a burrito?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
