please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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