white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
