Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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