So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize