Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
