i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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