alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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